worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
