My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
