I wanna bring you to show and tell
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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