I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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