if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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