Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
