Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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