If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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