He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
