I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Let's paint friendship bongs
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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