It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
