How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
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