apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
His nipple licking is glorious
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