This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
