You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
