There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
