I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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