I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
