i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
