Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
