i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Success! We fucked roommates!
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
