Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
