White coat. Heels.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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