the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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