Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
