he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
