Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
