Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
