3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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