New invention idea: vibrating tampons
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
