He asked me if I "almost moaned"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
