you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
