Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
