Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
