Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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