you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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