Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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