my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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