so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
