You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
