haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
