don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
