I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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