She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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