he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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