May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
