that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Randomize
