Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I've blown a few things in my day
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Randomize
