Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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