you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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