I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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