im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
