Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
